Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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