i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
