He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
