I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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