So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
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we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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