The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
