How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize