not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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