Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
