What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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