PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
