how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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