do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
