forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
