two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
