I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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