Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
