If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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