i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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