I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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