I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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