I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
