I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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