I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
