Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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