can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
