I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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