Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just pee around me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You don't make any sense
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