I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
