I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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