Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
