No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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