So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
