If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
