Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
