when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
