my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
