i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
