we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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