What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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