I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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