i need an iv and a liver transplant
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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