hotel room ftw
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
