Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
