He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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