Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
