The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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