I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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