6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
