Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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