So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
