What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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