Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
