She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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