God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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