Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
