My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Randomize
