he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
