the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
