Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
