I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
