that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
