pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
