i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
