i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
