I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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