I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
