i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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