Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My butt remains clenched, sir.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
