Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
