Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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