even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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