Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love having hate sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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