I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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