dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
