i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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