My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
